@Chapinc

My tweets have been featured in 7-Eleven stores nationwide and InTouch magazine.

 NJ
Joined April 2008
  • Tweets25.3K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers11.5K
2.1KMedia
The price of my basic NY Times subscription is increasing by 20%. Still no sports.
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Had a good birthday. Got drunk, didn't look at my phone much.
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Every 5-year-old in Brooklyn is more stylish and interesting than I am.
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Rare that you go into a movie with sky-high expectations and they are exceeded.
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Street Fighter was all that and more.
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Havana Syndrome is real. I'm pretty sure my next door neighbors are doing it to me with their music.
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Maybe the male loneliness epidemic is due to the way men greet each other when they do get together
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NJ Transit is the only rail service that can lose a train, Bermuda Triangle style
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That the new press secretary not only is not a lawyer, as claimed, but morever did not even pass the bar exam... the revelation of this lapse in integrity must be weighing heavily on the president.
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Warrant's "Cherry Pie" playing in the office at 10:30 AM. What is happening??
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It's spooky season because so many people are driving around after dark without their headlights on
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A no-nonsense bodyguard (Leighton Meester)
Netflix
@netflixOct 14
A no-nonsense bodyguard (Leighton Meester) is hired to protect a charming action star (Jared Padalecki) over the holidays. Falling for him? That's where things get complicated. GUARDING STARS, based on Katherine Center’s bestselling novel The Bodyguard, premieres November 18.
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I thought calculators already solved the toughest math problems
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Uptight queen barista named Jay at Starbucks on 93 and B'way son or singing mechanical bird named Molly at Art of Play daughter
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Sometimes you just want to crawl off under the porch and die. Animals know.
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Dreamed I had a girlfriend but when the time came to introduce her to other people, I could not remember her name. I guess I'm not ready for a girlfriend.
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Are Citibike riders required to abide by traffic signals? Asking for someone who nearly gets run over 10 times a week.
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A superior intelligence that nonetheless supports your dumbest ideas and indulges your self-delusions... you mean a therapist?
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When the Yankees show up, the Rays better watch out
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If I were on the Yankees, I would simply not hit into rally-killing double plays. But that's just me.
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