@CaveJohnson

The name's Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. I don't see crises - only challengitunities.

 Aperture Science
aperture.online/
Joined August 2011
  • Tweets336
  • Following69
  • Followers23.5K
48Media
👌 efficient
sisyphus@daily_sisyphus6 Sep 2023
one must imagine sisyphus thinking smarter
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Today Aperture Science has officially stopped selling digital science, and we’ll only be providing physical science by hand, in exchange for cold hard physical cash. PAY UP PEOPLE.
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Who even needs Science anymore? We’re pivoting into an exciting new field; little rubber ducks that you stick inside of the bathtub so you don’t slip! Exciting! Innovation! Chariots!
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Cave Johnson retweeted
LambdaGeneration@LambdaGenMar 30
KITKAT
@KITKATMar 29
Regarding recent press coverage
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Cave Johnson retweeted
Ellen McLain@EllenMcLainJan 27
GLaDOS says… Forget STEM Learn SCREAM Science Critical Reasoning Ethics Arts Math
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Cave Johnson here. When a system responds to tension with lethal force, that’s not enforcement, that’s a failed process loudly declaring success.
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If your first instinct is to justify the outcome instead of question the system, you already know it failed.
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Ha. Look at you being sad when a thing that doesn’t exist, doesn’t get announced. While I’ve got your attention, I’d love to tell you about an excellent investment opportunity into a crypto-AI-algorithm-synergy-integration.
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Great things come in pairs; PAIR OF KINGS. BOOKENDS. THE TWO JANES IN ACCOUNTING WE CLONED. Name a trilogy people even regard highly, or have been asking for. I’m willing to the employee retirement account you people can’t.
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This is slander. I can’t steal from myself.
f4mi ‼️
@f4micom9 Sep 2025
so you are a portal 2 fan? name every lore accurate parallel universe cave johnson stole tests from
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Now we're thinking with Portals. #RememberPortal
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Cave Johnson retweeted
Ast@astaxol22 Jul 2025
weapons of mass destruction
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f4mi ‼️
@f4micom12 Jul 2025
so true
USGC
@usgraphics12 Jul 2025
+100 aura points if your company name incorporates "laboratories" instead of "labs".
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Ew
࣪ ִֶָ@DrIsaacKleiner_18 Apr 2025
WE NEED TO DESTROY THIS GARBAGE IMMEDIATELY
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Looks good, ship ‘em.
Clone
@clonerobotics19 Feb 2025
Protoclone, the world's first bipedal, musculoskeletal android.
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That seems pricey. Put up a legally absolving poster instead.
GmanLives@GmanLives22 Oct 2024
Just put these up in the office to prepare for any unforeseen consequences.
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17 🎉
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Well that has to be a typo. Clearly you mean Greg.
Quackin@DucklinQuackin8 Sep 2024
That whole woke gaming list thing is so fucking funny because like what do you mean Portal 2 is anti-patriarchy because Wheatley and Cave Johnson are morons
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I’m not saying that every person who signed that book signed up for testing. I’m just letting you know we received 340,000+ new applicants somehow. It’s a mystery. A legally dubious mystery.
Thewhat@Thewhat897 Sep 2024
340,000+ names all compiled into 1 book. This is a symbol of the astounding amount of people that love TF2 and want to see it flourish. This book has now reached its destination at Valve HQ. The future is looking bright for TF2. Thanks for taking part, everyone ❤️ #FixTF2
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