It's always bittersweet when you sit down on a warm toilet seat.

@CondomR4Bananas @pushbuttonfunk @B_2me @dsudd136 "even with Down syndrome Derrick still manages a mostly normal life."

Judging by Carly Rae Jepson's new song I guess he did call her!

ABS or Dad bod.... There is a fine line, I just don't know what side to be on.

My dream of being a trophy husband is not out of reach, get off my back grandma and let me live my life. Stop being so judgmental!

Ever since I started drinking the Austin tap water, it seems I listen to a lot more alternative music.... Weird

Im so sick of erectile dysfunction adds only targeting older men! What if me a young strapping lad has pressure problems? Step up Viagra!!

A older lady told me "if only I was younger and not married" my automatic response was "well if only I was older and married".....yeah....

So I learned today that you "can't flex cardio" seems legit

Maybe biscuit company's should make tubes for single people. Like no I don't want 57 biscuits with breakfast this morning, I just want two.

All this "what it takes to be a real man" talk, I think it takes a real woman to handle a man with curves!

Sometimes it's ok to be " a can't hack it, panty waste, who wears their mommas bra" kinda guy!!

I feel as if too much power equals too much skin.

Is it to much to ask for a Dixie chicks reunion. #wideopenspaces #wishfulthinking

The real question is: who was joe and why was he so sloppy?

The more I work 48 hour shifts the more I realize I strongly dislike working 48 hour shifts.

Today was a K-CI & JoJo kinda day.

"Dude his upper body is just more confident than yours is" @amenkin5

I got asked to speak at vacation bible school today at church! I'm Blessed to have this opportunity! #excited

I have a lot of useless talents, I would trade them all for the talent to be able to sing in a Phill Collins cover band. #Mydreams