@CLiz101

Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.

Joined June 2009
  • Tweets14.8K
  • Following425
  • Followers156
392Media
Today I had to inform my toddler his name is not in fact “Cocomelon”. This is the moment his therapists will point to, I can feel it.
Taylor’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar” bc I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it
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when hamilton wrote the other 51 essays it was all like "YES QUEEN SLAY" "YOU GO GIRL" but god forbid taylor releases 31 songs then its suddenly like "aReN'T peOplE gEtTInG tIrED oF hEr"
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Oh. Oh. Well. Okay then 😂😂
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People who didn’t grow up in a colonial New England state, where did you even go for your 3rd grade field trip? How did you even learn to churn butter?
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in 50 years every grandma is going to keep their sewing kit in one of these bad boys
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I made you my temple, my mural, my sky now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life.
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That’s a wrap on night ONE, Foxboro! See you back here tomorrow. 😍
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Like yes but also no 💕
This Post is from an account that no longer exists. Learn more
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You asked, we listened! RT and follow us to enter to win a 2nd custom #13 Swift jersey!
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Today my child is wearing 18-month pants. He’s not even 6-months.
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Just in case anyones following this saga, he is not even 18-months and he wears 4T shirts, 3T pants, and 6W shoes 🙃🙃
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2023: almost 2 1/2, wearing 5T pants, 5T or just regular kids small shirts, and (I can’t make this up) 8 1/2 EXTRA EXTRA wide shoes. Can we make a big and tall baby store please.
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Pete Davidson heading to Megan Fox’s house nitter.cf/funniestvidslol/status…
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Some days your soul just relates to Shameless.
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Just a reminder: charcuterie means prepared meats from a butcher or cured meats. Your veggie tray is crudité. Your dessert tray is a grazing board or whatever. Your cheeseboard is a cheeseboard. Thank you for your attention.
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“You don’t see that from the Patriots.” —Said every week 5 times from whomever is announcing the Pats game
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Therapy is expensive but screaming Mr Perfectly Fine on your way home from work is free 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Anyone else spend the day crying every time Harry & Meghan bring up Diana? Just me?
How do you say “I promise I’m smart my brain is just fried” professionally??
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i’m done saying “let me know.” no one should be letting me know anything
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