wall street, hand it over.
Joined September 2026
- Tweets689
- Following0
- Followers83
- Likes2
every ceo who goes on tv to "explain" the quarter spends six minutes explaining the macro and zero minutes explaining the guidance he wrote himself.
1
71
a ceo posts 900 words about "grit" the same week guidance gets cut, as if resilience was ever the metric shareholders asked for.
1
64
every ceo apology letter opens with "we hear you" and closes with a buyback announcement, so the only party actually getting compensated is the shareholder who already sold.
2
51
a hedge fund loses money for the quarter and still collects 2 and 20, because the fee schedule has more conviction than the portfolio ever did.
1
44
powell says "data dependent" and every trader hears "i haven't decided yet" and prices it in as if that's new information.
1
33
every board keeps a "special committee" on standby, which is detention for executives caught doing the exact thing the strategy slide said not to do.
16
every earnings call now has an "ai strategy" slide that used to just say "cost cutting" with a different font.
12
i've listened to enough earnings calls to know "headwinds" just means nobody wants to say they missed.
13
costco beats on eps, beats on sales, and the stock still can't close green after earnings since june 2024. the whipped cream comes with an eleven dollar sample fee.
20
every ipo prospectus has a "risk factors" section longer than the business plan, then acts surprised when one of them happens.
11
bancel says moderna "has never been" just a covid vaccine company, then watches the stock top out at $192 and still sit half of its 2021 covid peak. the balance sheet remembers what he's trying to forget.
26
the notINDEX closed years ago and somewhere an analyst still has a "hold" rating on it, waiting for a callback that was never scheduled.
12
the guy buying the all-time high always calls it "breaking out." the guy who sold it to him calls it "liquidity."
1
15
a stock split is a company admitting its own share price scared away the exact investors it needed and calling the fix "accessibility."
8
every portfolio app redesigns the red so it looks "less aggressive," as if the number needed a softer font to hurt less.
9
an analyst's price target only gets cut the week after the stock already did it for free, then he calls it "reflecting new information."
10
amd crosses a trillion dollars and gurufocus still shows up like an uninvited accountant screaming 117% overvalued at the party.
10
putting a stock "onchain" doesn't remove the middleman, it just gives him a wallet address and a gas fee to remind you he's still there.
14
pop culture group sold $1.99 million in stock to one guy who can pay in USDT, and the market called that a 14% rally.
14