Some day I wish to repay my debt to the taco bell hero

This one's for my fucking taco...

Humans devolved from monkeys

Wobbly Dog is a real one

Imagine calling this guy Sebastian. Simply couldn't be me

2020 looking interesting

It's entirely legal to use pizza cutters on pancakes but no one would dare try

Rocks used to be soft but became stale after being left out for a few millenium

If you give birth, keep the receipts so you can send him back if he turns out to be a bastard

Fisher Joe cut the crusts off my taco

If you leave a slice of bread out long enough then it becomes a big crouton

Having confidence in yourself during a set is like having arsene but in real life

Inflating my brain like a balloon to get rid of the wrinkles

I'd like to go in a big microwave while holding two spoons

Spider Man fought The Vulture and Mysterio but the real villain was corporate greed

How many uncle Bens must die before Sony learns that they can't get it right

If 10 years ago you told me that my dad would be annoying me about getting a job, I would have said, "Who's that?"

Trying a face mask thing and I look like tar making an exercise video in the 80s.

Fuck onions. I picked them off my hamburger 4 hours ago and still taste them.