Bill Gelwick

Can dentists right off Halloween candy as a business investment?

Good music saved bad days, but bad days make good music.

Birth is still the #1 cause of death.

If life didn't fuck me I would have no sex life.

American cheese is the Bud Light of cheeses. It barely qualifies, but a lot of people have deemed it adequate.

The last time March had a Friday the 13th was 2020. Buckle up bitches!

Some of you did not have to take typing in high school, and it shows.

Why does my internet glitch out, becoming more unstable than my baby mama?

My new favorite shirt

Just over an hour into Monday and I already want to throat punch about a half dozen people.

I just waved at another driver and actually use all five fingers rather than the usual just one

If you remember these your childhood was awesome.

#NewProfilePic this is why we have AI. If only I had a chance to meet Jimi, but he died the year before I was born.

Downtown Fort Worth, only a few blocks from my office.

Life's a bitch, then you marry one, she takes half your shit, and then you die.

How is it that we wound up in her bed last night, and it was still one of the worst dates ever?

When the sign says boards in 5 minutes, but you're board right now.

I just saw a commercial playing Christmas music. What the actual FUCK?