Ben Blecha

And I told you, to eat, your damn, pie!

Nervous? Sh!ttin' bricks. You shouldn't say that word. Sorry. Sh!ttin' rocks.

We don't need to kill anymore. We have Pop Tarts.

There's things here! There's rocks, there's trees, there's birds, there's squirrels. Come on, we'll bless them all until we get vashnigyered!

This is...the part where I say I don't wanna...and throw my underwear on the floor. Or whatever Ariana Grande sang.

It's light beer and she's gonna throw it up anyway.

Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world- except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.

Shedeur Sanders is playing himself right out of being a 1st round pick. Does the increased insurance cover that, too? – at Sterling, CO

Oh, that's not blunt force trauma, ma'am. That's just the honey glow in my cheeks. – at Sterling, CO

Folks, you are only allowed two carry-on items. Your emotional baggage does not count toward your carry-on limit. We do, however, ask that you keep it to yourself until after the flight has concluded. Your fellow passengers and flight crew would appreciate it. #FlySouthwest – at Nashville, TN

"Tomorrow is the most important election in our lifetime." Like 2020? And 2016? And 2008? This is my 6th presidential election. 4 of them have been "the most important." I just don't buy it. Come up with a new line, folks. Maybe one that is actually true, unlike your promises. – at Sterling, CO

Lakers are on a 29-9 run since Dalton Knecht entered the game. – at Sterling, CO

You guys are acting weirder than normal, and your normal is pretty weird. – at Sterling, CO

Do you even know how to get home? Of course I do. I'll ask a stranger. – at Sterling, CO

Women. You can't live without 'em, and they can't pee standing up. – at Sterling, CO

A friendly reminder to the Memphis Grizzlies about the backup center they drafted. Could've had the deserving POY who is an NBA starter today.