“Where’s our goalie?” “Over there.” “I’m only seeing a fat 52-year-old guy with some type of cognitive deficit and the adorable innocence of a child.” “That’s our goalie.” “Did his elderly parents bring him?” “I assume he rode the team bus.” “It’s good he’s independent.”

Tough day for this motherfucker. You opened the plastic bag and you were already a man down …

1989 just called and said you’re about to have the time of your life.

“Hey, does anybody here know the square root of 132?” “Let me heat this dart with my calculator and then I’ll punch that in for you.”

“I don’t know how to swim, Dad.” “And with an attitude like that you’ll never learn.”

Get the water pitcher, motherfucker, we’re having orange juice tonight.