Beck.

" 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤𝘩𝑜'𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢. " 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐔 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐤. • 𝐦𝐬 • 𝐦𝐯 • 𝐥𝐢𝐭/𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜

i feel burned out lately. — not enough time in the day. [probably due to peach constantly needing her around, but that's what friends are for, right?]

ah — you and your unwavering faith in me. [peach isn't so bad, truly. she just. . . comes on a little strong.]

⠀ i need to start writing again. ⠀

well , that is some good news.

not dead yet.

plucking up the courage to message joe and see if he wants to spoon. but i will probably just end up spooning with my little green pillow instead.

downfalls of online dating: catfish.

masochism.

same. but opposite.

i'd never treat me this shitty.

aching to be held.

why am i nostalgic for a shitty time in my life that I romanticized for no reason?

sometimes i think i go for the obvious bad guy because i know they're going to hurt me. as opposed to getting with a nice guy and letting myself believe that's he's going to be amazing we'll be happy. . . and then be even more hurt when he surprises me by hurting me.

so, it turns out i am the type of person who will let stress build up and build up and build up until one day i'm crying on the kitchen floor over burned toast. how embarrassing.

so i took a weekend break to clear my head so I could focus on writing, and here i am, pen poised dutifully over my notebook aaaaaaaand. . . nothing. “ shit . ”

life got busy. as it has a habit of doing.

tonight i do my own cooking for a dinner party i stupidly agreed to host. this will be a disaster.