𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕚𝕘 𝔸𝕔𝕢𝕦𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕝™

I don't judge my clients. Punched a cop? I will help you. Stabbed your mom with a fork? I'm here. In other words, I will represent all you cop sockers and mother forkers.

"Talk to police" says person who worked for police. Lol, this is literally the worst advice ever. Remain silent! THAT is the only right you should be protecting.

A few years ago I learned that you can schedule texts so sometimes I have to reschedule ones that I scheduled a couple months in advance just in case I died suddenly, Just so all my group chats and friends can get the message I'm back bitches! After my funeral – at Abingdon, MD

Yes yes yes, a thousand times. Do not bring the system into your home and your families lives unless you absolutely have to! It is always a last resort. Police don't give one single fuck about you, your kids, your dog or anything you care about. People get killed this way. – at Pasadena, MD

There are two kinds of people in the world. People who pay you cash and all the heads are going the same direction and people who can fuck right off. – at Rossville, MD

If you know, you know: Has the mystery of why Andrea was the target been solved? And why are we not talking more about how the FBI guy used to date her? There is definitely more here. Talk amongst yourselves.

If you are walking in a shopping Center parking lot and there is a F-150 or an Altima approaching please be careful. Statistically there is an 84% chance that they will ignore the crosswalk, stop signs, and you. – at Glen Burnie, MD

I had two clients this morning both of whom I feared would end this day in jail. After hearings, both of them went home with their families. There are many different kinds of victory. These were as satisfying as any. – at Glen Burnie, MD

With some completely ridiculous arbitrary rules coming from multiple directions, Anne Arundel County Court is becoming simply not worth it. When rules no longer align with reality in any way the situation becomes untenable. I don't know if I will even accept cases here anymore – at Annapolis, MD

So now that I drive one I can state this as absolute fact: Land Rover is a cult. #LandRover – at Pasadena, MD

Just checking in on this wasteland hellscape to point out that this week is the third anniversary of that moronic Trumper tasing himself in the balls until he died. He gave his life so that we could all get a much needed laugh during a difficult time. I salute you, sir. RIP. – at Ferndale, MD

Rest in Hell, #HenryKissinger, mass murderer, liar, terrorist, bomber and the very embodiment of evil. Good fucking riddance.

Picking out our seats for the #Orioles 2024 World Series season. #Birdland

New twitter really disappointed me. I thought I would see a lot more "full beaver" jokes. #BeaverMoon

Just finished Being Henry by @hwinkler4real & I'm moved. He's achieved so much but is so candid re: self-doubt, a troubled relationship with his parents & growing up thinking he was stupid only finding out decades later that he was just undiagnosed. Inspiring.Thanks Mr. Winkler.

Trump added trillions in give-aways to millionaires and you were all for it.

Not a serious person. 🤡

God I love fucking with text scammers.

Enjoying two of the only things that Americans do better than Europeans: hot tubs and whiskey.

It takes a Big Acquittal to admit when he has made a mistake. I deleted my previous snarky tweet when my error was pointed out to me by @Dylan_Segelbaum. My apologies and I will try not to make assumptions in the future.