Harry Potter

Finally Harry Potter won? Yes, "finally", apart from the 7 books and 8 films that I beat the crap out of Voldemort in. #TeamPotter

Sometimes i look at Ginny, then i see Hermione... and i can't help thinking that i MIGHT have made the wrong choice there.

The only thing faster than Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries was Ron's first time with Hermione.

Whoa, did you just cast 'Wingardium Leviosa' on my pants? #HPPickupLines

Baby, you must be a witch because you've got a mighty fine Patronass. #HPPickupLines

JK Rowling's new book is "The Casual Vacancy". It's totally justifiable to burn a few bookstores down if i'm not in it, right?

Am i the only one who hears "One Direction" and thinks "Wand Erection"?

#ThingsNotToDoAtHogwarts: Fuck with Harry Potter. Ask Quirell, Barty Crouch Jnr and Voldemort how that ended.

Pretty sure a nose wasn't the only thing Voldemort came back without. He has no reproductive organs is what I'm saying.

#IUsedToWonder why @_Snape_ had such a bad attitude. Then I found out he got less sex than a Hufflepuff at a Star Trek convention.

Lucy Liu is playing Dr. Watson in the new U.S. Sherlock Holmes. Holmes to be played by a rusty cauldron. Crimes will be Sudoku puzzles.

#MoviesWereBestWhen i was starring in them.

New Reality TV show pitch: HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SEE CHEST. Hot girl Muggles come into my room and show me their boobs.

Trust me when i say that nobody is more Proud Of Radcliffe than me. Guy is a freaking legend.

J. K. Rowling's new book isn't about me. i'm not upset, or in any way connected to the mysterious fire started in her mansion later today.

For the LAST time Ryan Seacrest, i will NOT co-produce a reality TV show with you called "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Seacrest".

#BackWhenIWasAKid i was a Quidditch champion, Dark Arts duellist and defeated the most evil wizard ever. What have YOU done today?

Sometimes i use my cloak of invisibility to sneak into the girl's change rooms.

You have no nose, no hair and your best friend is a basilisk #AndYouWonderWhyYouAreSingle. #HarryPotter

Chris Brown and Rihanna have collaborated on 2 new songs. In case you were worried, i will NOT be doing a duet with Voldemort.