die young and leave a hot corpse? naw. die middle aged and leave a decent corpse.

ppl who don’t understand debilitating depression debilitatingly depress me.

i’ll drink nothing all day and pee 20 times

fuck your 1099 commission only job

“their old stuff was better” says the 35 year old teenager

if you stop and think about it, the history of the human race is really just a never ending human centipede

i hate to be that guy but your kid sucks

easy: death

them: “what time is it?” me: “time to deliver a pizza ball”

if you don’t like ranch with your pizza the Ranchman comes to your house at night while you’re sleeping, dips your fingers and toes in ranch, and gobbles them up

should’ve read the terms and conditions on this “it’s a free country” bullshit

when you drive a nail through all that’s good, the carpenter becomes the wood

if Trump runs in 2028 then all bets are off and the constitution can be changed at will so we’re finally gonna take your guns away you stupid fucks

all my eras are villain eras

i don’t care if you’re European or the queen of england - if you try to kiss my cheeks in a greeting, i will use physical attack to defend myself

oh you have an AI band?? cool yeah sick okay brb i’m gonna go kill myself

punks be like “capitalism sucks!!!” while they eat mcgangbangs

first time i ever did shrooms

no wayyyyy a new super hero movie and/or tv show? that’s crazy. i love that they’re keeping it original

The Slim Shady LP