I don’t want an apology. I want you to experience the exact situation you put me through so you can understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of your own actions. I wonder if you would still think it was okay if you were the one losing sleep, questioning your worth, overthinking everything and trying to heal from something you never deserved. It’s easy to dismiss someone’s pain when you’re not the one carrying it. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” when you don’t have to live with the consequences of what you did. I don’t want revenge. I just wish you could understand the weight of the pain you made me carry.

Why should I be expected to forgive people who aren’t even sorry for what they did to me? Why should I be the bigger person when they feel no remorse, take no accountability and would probably do the same thing again if given the chance? I understand that forgiveness can bring peace, but I don’t believe it should be forced or used to make other people more comfortable with the pain they caused. Healing doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened and letting go doesn’t mean giving someone another chance to hurt you. Maybe one day I’ll reach a point where what they did no longer weighs on me. But that doesn’t mean I owe them access to my life, a reconciliation or the comfort of knowing I’ve forgiven them. I can choose peace without excusing what happened. I can move forward without pretending they deserve forgiveness.