Imagine hating me and I’m just sitting here googling if sea horses know about land horses

My ducks are not in a row but they’re having fun

I Got bit by a brown recluse spider the other day and tell me why after the bite my first instinct was to panic yell at my fiancé, “WE NEED TO CALL ROBERT IRWIN HE’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO” as if we knew him personally instead of saying I needed to go to the hospital first. Like ??

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mothers, steps mothers, bonus mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers and beyond!!!!!❤️

I want the Emperor’s New Groove theme song by Tom Jones playing when I’m getting ready on the morning of my wedding.

Thank you to all the lovely people who wished me congratulations on my engagement yesterday. There were so many beautiful comments❤️ and to the rest of you who made fun of me and my appearance as well as telling my fiancé to run you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I said yes today💍👰🏼‍♀️🤵🏻❤️

*Other girls with headbands on*: Cute. Girly. flirty. stylish. Laid back. *Me with a headband on*: looking like I’m standing in for Daniel LaRusso in The Karate Kid tournament ready to crane kick Johnny and win the trophy.

Gen Z nurse on the phone at my doctor’s office: “can you verify your date of birth for me please?” Me: “ *month & day*, 93.” Gen Z nurse: “1993?” Me: “no 1793. During the French Revolution, actually.” LIKE COME ON😭

Got outta my car with the wind blowing like a monsoon and now I look like this fighting for my life trying to get my hair outta my face

I fully understand and am fully aware I have very long platinum blonde hair, but if I’m pumping gas please don’t pull next to me, roll your window down, stare at me, and blast the Game of Thrones theme song.

Now compiling a list of beta readers for my WW2/Holocaust novel. Come on you know you want to😘

Don’t put me near a charcuterie board that has olives or pickles on it because they’ll be gone within 2 minutes flat because I have ZERO self control in that department.

Apparently if you google me or my book someone else’s picture comes up and no matter how hard I try and have tried to fix it and reach out it’s just being ignored so yeah that’s something 👍🏼🙃

The woman who referred to a female frontal wedgie as a “veggie” in her Amazon review, I just read, is my hero.

I’ve been messaged a lot about my absence from social media. I have been remaining offline BC I am appalled at the aggressive, uncivil, & toxic behavior of adults over politics online. Please, let’s relearn to be civil no matter your stance or side. This behavior gets us nowhere.