ripping the lil panties off a Reese’s is the most erotic thing you can do

nothing says efficiency like creating a new department with two leaders to measure efficiency

This deserved more.

ppl who don’t do comedy are either like “why aren’t you on SNL?” or “you should do a show at Lizzie’s Ear of Corn Bar, it’s 2 hrs outside St. Louis & they do drag brunch every other Sunday. I know the owners ex cousin so they’ll give you 5 mins if I pull some strings.

Thank you 🥹

im in an open relationship so im not jealous when she fucks other girls but if i don’t get my hoodies back istfg

sometimes i wish i were str8 so my gf and i could finally decide on what to eat

NASA: we discovered an earth sized planet in the habitable zone of a star Me: okay. fomo.