ArthurGFX

I'm in a weird place.. This isn't going to be a cheery post.. so apologies in advance Been thinking a lot lately about things lately.. in a strange place Let me explain.. The whole purpose of this account has always been to try and find interesting things early.. Spend a stupid amount of time understanding them and then try to help other people understand them too Sometimes I've got it spectacularly right.. sometimes I've got it spectacularly wrong The first time I really felt like I was making a genuine difference was with $QNT Back in 2018, @quantnetwork's marketing was pretty fucking terrible I think even @gverdian would probably be the first to tell you that himself Overledger was fascinating.. the vision was enormous.. but there was very little information out there that ordinary people could easily understand and digest So.. I started researching everything I could get my hands on and tried explaining it to people Every single day.. for years I watched over time.. a community forming around something that hardly anybody had heard of or even cared about I'm not claiming responsibility for $QNT's success.. That would be ridiculous lol But I know the work I was putting in made a difference to a good few people I still see things I wrote or created back then being shared around today.. And that genuinely makes me happy But something happened as time past and as $QNT grew The project became bigger.. more established.. more professional.. There were more people unpacking everything.. better sources of information.. more voices.. more things happening.. and many of it better than I was capable of producing And naturally.. the role I'd played in those early days became less important The $QNT community of today largely have no idea who I am.. It didn't happen overnight.. but I just gradually became less relevant to something I'd once felt like a meaningful part of And if I'm honest, I understand why.. Thats what is supposed to happen when things grow Then along came $TAO Back in 2022.. #Bittensor was this strange little experiment with some incredibly ambitious ideas and a tiny community.. Not many people understood what it was trying to do But something about it was deeply fascinating.. The ambition.. the people.. the passion.. the possibility of what it might eventually become And once again.. I felt a need to research the fuck out of it and help try to explain it to others Years of reading.. researching.. writing.. answering questions.. and talking about something most people didn't give much of a shit about And again.. I am in no way claiming its success is down to my dumb ass lol But I know it made a difference There are key people building and participating in #Bittensor today who first discovered it through this account.. And I'm incredibly proud of that But look at $TAO today.. Its grown into this enormous, complicated ecosystem with miners.. developers.. subnet teams.. VCs.. businesses.. and people far more technical or knowledgeable than I'll ever be There are people doing incredible work explaining every little part of it $TAO doesn't need someone like me in the same way it once might have.. And again, thats a good thing.. Its exactly whats supposed to happen But.. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't something strangely sad about it You spend years helping people understand something.. and eventually it grows beyond the point where your contributions really matter anymore Its like.. You wanted it to grow.. and you helped it grow.. and then one day you realise its outgrown you The weird, sad thing is.. Its mirroring a lot of what I'm experiencing in my personal life right now Which is probably why I'm writing this ramble nonsense in the first place So.. I became a father when I was young.. And my daughter has always been the absolute jewel in my crown I don't think I could ever properly explain how much that little girl has meant to me When she was younger, I was her everything.. her entire fucking world Dad could fix anything.. dad knew everything.. I was the strongest person alive If something scared her, she came to me.. if something made her happy, she wanted to tell me.. If she needed help.. I was the person she'd look for I was her superman And fuck me.. theres no feeling quite like being somebodys entire world But.. Then they grow up.. And it happens so gradually that you barely notice it They start figuring things out for themselves.. They make friends.. they develop their own interests.. they have their own opinions.. their own problems.. their own little world that you're not always part of They don't need you to explain everything anymore.. They stop running to you for every little thing.. And eventually.. you realise that person who once thought you were capable of absolutely anything has started to see you for what you really are.. Just a man Yes, a dad who loves her more than anything.. but just a man nonetheless And if I'm being completely honest.. Thats been fucking heartbreaking in a way I wasn't prepared for Its something I have been struggling with deeply.. And not because she's doing anything wrong.. she's doing exactly what shes supposed to do She's growing into her own person.. she's becoming independent She's building a life that won't always revolve around me.. And I'm so incredibly proud of her every single day But.. theres a real sadness that comes with it that I don't know if a lot of others feel or if its just me You can be unbelievably proud of who your child is becoming.. all while desperately missing who they used to be And theres absolutely nothing you can do about it You can't ask them to stay little.. you can't ask them to need you the way they once did You can't ask them to keep seeing you as Superman when they're old enough to realise that its not who you ever were.. You just have to accept that your place in their world is changing That the version of you they needed for so many years is slowly becoming someone they don't need quite so much anymore And I think thats the feeling I've been struggling to put into words Well.. without rambling like a maniac, that is Obviously.. Being a dad and talking about crypto on the internet aren't remotely comparable in terms of importance.. But theres a slight, strange similarity in the feeling In both cases, you spend years giving something your time.. your attention.. your energy.. because you genuinely care about it.. You watch it grow.. you feel useful.. you feel like your presence matters And then, if things go well.. it needs you less Not because you've necessarily done anything wrong.. But because it's grown And you find yourself standing there feeling proud of something.. while quietly grieving the place you used to have in that world I personally think theres a particular kind of loneliness in that And its not like you've been rejected or anything to feel it It just happens.. and life moves forward And the space you once occupied gradually gets smaller and smaller And even in saying all of that.. you wouldn't change a single thing I wouldn't want $QNT to go back to being a tiny project nobody understood just so I could feel of use again I don't want $TAO to stop growing so I could remain one of the people helping to explain it And I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to stay little forever just so I could keep being her hero I want her to grow.. I want her to find her own way I want her to become strong enough that she doesn't need me to solve every problem I think thats what being a dad is supposed to be about But.. Knowing that doesn't make watching it happen any easier I suppose I'm beginning to understand that a lot of life is like this You spend your younger years trying to become important to people.. Trying to be useful.. to have relevance in the world To have an impact and make a difference.. And then you get older and realise that however important you were.. it isn't permanent Communities move on and forget you exist.. People move on with their lives.. Children grow up.. The world keeps turning.. And you're left trying to figure out who you are when you're no longer needed in quite the same way Being a dad is all I've know my entire adult life.. And being in this space doing this has been close to a decade now I'm still incredibly grateful for everything I've been part of.. I've been lucky I think.. I'm slowly accepting that my role in these things is changing And maybe thats something I need to learn to be comfortable with.. Because I don't think the answer is to desperately try to remain important or relevant Or to resent the fact that something has grown beyond you I think you just have to find a way to be happy that you were there when it mattered and had a hand in it at all Even if it doesn't matter quite so much anymore And with my daughter.. I know she'll always be my little girl.. even when I'm no longer the centre of her world My hope is that as she gets older and life gets more complicated.. she'll always know I'm here She doesn't have to think I'm Superman.. and she doesn't have to need me every day I just hope she has a little place for me in the life she's building I guess what I'm trying to say is.. There's a difference between wanting to be needed.. and wanting to be loved I think getting older is learning to live without the first.. while hoping you never lose the second one I don't really have some uplifting conclusion to all of this Apologiees for the long emotional ramble At the end of the day.. I'm not whatever you guys think I am I'm just a dad watching his little girl grow up.. and a bloke on the internet watching things he once helped explain grow into something that no longer needs him And I'm proud of all of it.. I really am I just didn't realise that watching things become everything you hoped they would be.. could sometimes feel so much like losing so much I'll stop rambling now..