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Me, Myself, and I

@AriyantDS

Diary of someone who can't expressing how she felt

Joined July 2012
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Ya Allah… aku pasrahin semuanya, aku udah gakuat
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It’s getting worse, I’m scared….
I dont have any purpose to live this life…
Have you questioning why are you exist in this world? Feeling worthless kills me
If die wont hurt I think Im willing to die…
210522— First tweet in 2021! My night thoughts overkill me hhh Buat temen-temen aku semuanya, I would like to remind you how important you are in my life. Every single one of you, beneran. It kills me bcs I can't show it. Ya kesannya gue gaada effort apa-apa ya
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Kalo ditanya alesannya kenapa.... jujur gatau. Just felt overwhelmed with myself. Kenal sama kalian tuh ga cuma sebulan dua bulan, kayaknya mostly > 4 tahunan and yet I can't still approach you all first. Rasanya anxious untuk approach kalian....
You mean don't need someone LOLOLL
Me, Myself, and I (@AriyantDS) profile pictureMe, Myself, and I@AriyantDS3 Nov 2020
Replying to @AriyantDS
But I can't do everything alone. I'm too scared of something that would be not happened. Stupid? Ofc I am. I looked like I need someone but I actually the one who need the one most. I need to be acknowledged by other people. I'm still looking what is happiness? How it feels to
201104— Hi, I'm back! Stupid me after my graduation I just spend my time lazying around. I don't want to blame me for being lazy and find any excuse... but it's been awhile since I believe I'm being one. I just begin applying some vacancies around this week. 3 fucking months
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But I can't do everything alone. I'm too scared of something that would be not happened. Stupid? Ofc I am. I looked like I need someone but I actually the one who need the one most. I need to be acknowledged by other people. I'm still looking what is happiness? How it feels to
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Being happy? I'm still asking it since I'm junior high school for fck sake. It's maybe bcs I don't have a goal in my life? I have one. I want my parents happy and feels so useful for being their child bcs they're the one who brings me to the world. I don't want to feel useless
200905— Today... are the worst day in 2020 (for now). I had fight with my sist just bcs I told her to close the door. Idk why she always want to win all of our arguments. Also... I don't want to be get scolded bcs of it. So, always ended up being in arguments
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I have to be better than her. It's bcs I have to since I'm the last hope of my parents, not bcs her lacking or not. It's not about her. But she always thought about herself. That's root of my problems
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She always have to win and me ended up have to give in. It made me of who I am right now. A giver. My family never get pleasant of who I am. Or maybe they are not good to show it. But I need acknowledgement by them. That's why I always try to get it by someone else
200902— These days... I feel so unmotivated. But later on my mind can't stop thinking about how I feel so unworthy. I just finished all my thesis thingy. I keep looking for job vacancies but I feel so... lacking. I'm not even confident to try to apply it
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I think... I'm gonna break down all my problems and try to sort it out. I'm gonna try to consulting with the experts and find out if I need help or not
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