NIXON: So here's the thing. I want to bring them in. Into the House. I want a pageant. Right here. The Miss Juggalette pageant. Rose Garden, maybe. And Henry judges. [EIGHT SECONDS OF SILENCE] KISSINGER: I…Mr. President, I am, of course, deeply honoured- HALDEMAN: Sir, can I- NIXON: Henry's got the gravitas, Bob. The, uh, accent. They respect a man with an accent. It's continental. It says class. KISSINGER: Mr. President, there is a, ah, a definitional difficulty. I am uncertain what precisely I would be judging. NIXON: Poise, Henry. Comportment. Same as any of them. KISSINGER: The photographs Mr. Haldeman showed me suggested the…the comportment involves being sprayed with the soft drink from a considerable height- HALDEMAN: The Faygo shower, sir. It's a whole, uh, it's a thing they do. NIXON: So we lay down a tarp. Ehrlichman can get a tarp. KISSINGER: Mr. President, I have on this very desk a cable regarding the Paris negotiations, and I must weigh whether the dignity of the office is best served by my standing in the Rose Garden adjudicating a-I believe the term of art is a ninja… HALDEMAN: Down with the clown, sir. It's a lifestyle. NIXON: See, Bob gets it. Bob did the reading.