Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

A good conscience is a soft pillow.

Pray as if everything depended on GOD, Act as if everything depended on yourself!

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.

A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!

Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald.

The fuzzy bee buzzed the buzzy busy beehive.

Stress is when you wake up screaming

Diplomacy -- the art of letting someone have your own way.

Thelma sings the theme song.

Piss out the fire, call the dogs, and lets go home.

Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life.

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been".

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Swatch watch