Wife and I have a thing, if one of us turns a light on the other will hiss like a vampire. Had to rein that in after we were alone in a lift when the doors opened to the bright afternoon sun and I instinctively hissed at the bewildered middle-aged woman stood waiting.

I completed an ancestry DNA test thing for a bit of fun, and discovered I had a half sibling. Worked out my dad of 47 years wasn't my biological dad. Didn't have an inkling. Haven't been able to bring myself to tell anyone. Heads in a blender. Think hard before you do one.

It brings me great pleasure on long motorway drives to respond to the warnings of 'police ahead' on Waze/Google Maps by saying they're no longer there, when in actual fact they're still there dishing out speeding tickets. If you speed, you deserve it.