Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Holistic Life Coach + trauma survivorš±Post-Traumatic Growth | Self-Sabotage | Nervous System | Healthy Relationships
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Joined January 2010
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Nobody is perfect in a healthy relationship ā what makes it āhealthyā is each individuals willingness to grow, forgive, communicate and express needs and respect the other. You evolve individually and as a couple.
Relational trauma will cause you to think negatively about yourself, speak harshly & critically & place too much importance on what others think of you. Healing looks like reclaiming your inner voice, practicing self-compassion & learning to acknowledge and approve of yourself!
Believing you could have prevented the mistreatment you endured can cause you to feel deep shame. Self-blame exacerbates shame.
You will find it easy after trauma to doubt your worth or your gut because other people could never validate them for you.
Your people pleasing patterns started off as parent pleasing to survive in an environment that was challenging.
Believing youāre better than other people is a common mindset for trauma survivors who are healing.
And it happens because as you grow more aware of your survival mechanisms, you overcompensate. In the past you felt powerless and now youāre seeking a way to feel powerful.
Holistic Mental Health retweeted
Overlooked behaviors that are abusive:
1. Ghosting: disappearing on someone trying to communicate with you
2. Silent treatment: not responding to someone trying to communicate with you
@AmyTheLifeCoach
Katt Williams said, "if you wanted me to speak more highly of you then perhaps you should have treated me better..." You don't get to narrate MY story of MY experiences with you".
Ask yourself āwhose voice is thatā? Often itās what was said to you by others or what you overheard and witnessed others saying to themselves. Thats how our inner narrative is formed!
Conflict allows you to understand each others needs deeper and meet them easier. Conflict avoidance is intimacy avoidance which is also avoidance of growth, a more secure connection, and love.
When youāre coping with world news that is traumatizing, remember that your way of coping will absolutely look different than others.
Remember: Some freeze. Some fight. Some flee. Some want to please & appease.
Letās not also forget access to executive functioning is typically not available. That means some may not be able to speak about something even if they wanted to.
Itās usually not āthereās something wrong with youā in spite of what you may think after experiencing trauma.
Trauma survivors tend to always self-blame (usually bc we were blamed) for others behaviors.
Get in the habit of saying āthereās something wrong with the situation.ā
Careful calling everyone you meet that you donāt like a ānarcissistā. Theyāre not.
We all have narcissistic tendencies.
But to over-generalize and weaponize a label that exists on a spectrum and requires specific criteria to be diagnosed as one is incredibly harmful.
You donāt realize how much people struggle with reading comprehension until you run an online business.
Holistic Mental Health retweeted
Maturity is feeling, processing, and releasing your emotions without becoming them, feeling and releasing your pain without becoming its narrative, and unlearning your own toxic patterns without blaming or shaming the older version of yourself.
If you couldnāt trust your parents or caregivers growing up. If your emotional needs werenāt consistently met. Instead you had unpredictable adults who sometimes spoke lovingly to you & other times shamed, belittled or punished you.
Iām so guilty of this too but letās stop saying āno one talks aboutā¦..ā to start a convo online on a topic people do talk about but just arenāt tuned into hearing about.