@Alanascottish

don’t follow me snowflakes, ain’t got time for fools.

Joined December 2017
  • Tweets96.7K
  • Following11.8K
  • Followers15.7K
32.9KMedia
Don’t hate Me and my homeboy percy
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😂😂😂😂
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Morning! Yep here we go again, another fcuking week of pretending were OK and sharing shit memes, im sure when we started our life journeys we aimed higher than being sat day after day on social media looking for ways to make ppl we've never met laugh, and trying to ignore ppl we
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never met laugh, and trying to ignore ppl we do know 😂😂😂 the mind boggles 🤪🖕 mucky tuppys 😋☺️
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I dunno 🤷‍♀️ should I eat it or kill it? 😂
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Would you relocate to the Scottish Highlands for a slower pace of life?
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I think that here in the UK we should all have flying cars, to avoid all the fucking potholes.
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Jokes on you spam callers, I barely answer for numbers I DO recognise.
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Best line I've ever heard from a British Sitcom was from George & Mildred. Mildred come into the room preening & patting her hair informing George she'd just been to the Beauty Salon, he looked up from his newspaper for about a second and said 'closed was it?' Pissed myself
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💯
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That’s a bit of a uncomfortable sleep!
Shanelle
@FearlespatriotOct 17
Can you go to sleep with dishes in your sink?
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Peace and quiet 🤫
luna
@lunardreamnOct 17
Be honest, what's the perfect gift for you at this point in life?
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😂 😂 even got pictures
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Got spooked by a dead window cleaner's ghost during a seance yesterday evening. That's the last time I use a squeegee board.
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Missed one monthly payment of my rent on my allotment. Received a letter saying that I was to be evicted. Went to Allotment office fuming and ended up getting arrested. My own fault, I Lost the PLOT.
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Why have Argos made curtains looking like JPS superkings 😭😭😭😭
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