My new Wombles Pepper Mill is crap. Everything that comes out of it is either over-ground or under-ground.

I've discovered that standing naked at your window helps to deter Trick or Treaters. No, wait...here's two dressed as Policemen.

It seems reasonable that an Australian Taxi Driver's salary is a fared income.

Our microwave is a real humdinger.

My abacus has been broken on countless occasions.

What's the most dangerous dessert in the world? Russian Roulade.

The most dangerous drink I ever had was a Hand Grenadine.

If you need to clean your 'bunch of fives', try using a knuckle duster.

I'm giving up the David Bowie chocolate-diet. I'm just not enjoying a life on Mars, or the fact I can eat Heroes, just for one day. I'm taking it all back to the man who sold the Twirl.

The first taxi firm was based in a log cabin.

There weren't any thrones or famous chairs in the Star Wars movies, apart from the Rattan of the Jedi.

The reason you can't hear a dog whistle is that they can't pucker their lips.

What do cars and babies have in common? They both have rear wipers.

Coming to a cinema near you, starring Matt Damon and Alan Titchmarsh...

I'm really not sure about this Miami Vice reboot 🤔

The art of perfectly folding a Union Jack is sometimes referred to as Origammon.

I tried wearing a push-up bra this morning. If anything, it just makes exercising more difficult.

I still can't believe James Bond doesn't refer to his favourite drink as an Aston Martini.