@AdamCSharp

1. Writer 2. Obsessed with lists 3. COMMON PEOPLE 4. THE CORRECT ORDER OF BISCUITS 5. THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD (https://xitter.cf/t.co/xahvo4CqJT)

 Where skies are blue (same @)
adamsharp.me/
Joined May 2009
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Replying to @AdamCSharp
It’d be foolish of me not to mention here that my next book is called THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD: A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD IN IDIOMS, PROVERBS AND GENERAL NONSENSE. So if you want more idioms like the ones in this thread, please pre-order now (link in my bio)
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A list of lyrics if all lyrics were as profound as "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier"... 1. I got hips, but I’m not a hipster 2. I got plums, but I’m not a plumber 3. I got toes, but I’m not a toaster 4. I got badge, but I’m not a badger 5. I got meow, but I'm not a homeowner
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A list of lyrics by The Killers (if they were really into geography)… 1. I got Seoul, but I’m not a Seouldier 2. I got stones, but I’m not Estonia 3. I got goals, but I’m not Angola 4. I got choice, but I’m not AndOrra 5. I got a mam, but I’m not Mamungkukumpurangkuntjunya
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I've been offline for a few months but I had to return to post those important lists about The Killers because “All These Things That I’ve Done” was released on this day in 2004 (22 years ago!)
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At a divorce paper signing… WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict MAN: It was a wookie mistake WOMAN: Just sign it MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you
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Replying to @AdamCSharp
My dad used to say, “I’ll never let you down” Great man, terrible hot air balloon pilot
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My dad used to say “always get up early so you can beat the morning crowds.” Nice man, overzealous riot police officer.
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My older brother used to say “you should always try to be upfront with everyone.” Lovely guy, terrible goalkeeping coach.
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My grandfather always used to say “you should answer to no one.” Lovely man, terrible switchboard operator.
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My grandmother always used to say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Brilliant woman, terrible surgeon.
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My uncle always used to say “the first rule of theatre is to leave them wanting more.” Fabulous guy, terrible anaesthetist.
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My dad always used to say “when you’re in a hole, stop digging.” Lovely man, terrible archaeologist.
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I just watched a pirated movie. On a scale of 1-10 I’d have to give it 3.14159265359
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I just watched a documentary about how they put the Eiffel Tower together. It was riveting.
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A list of my ten favourite types of exercise… 1. Skipping a workout 2. Surfing the net 3. Jogging my memory 4. Jumping to conclusions 5. Skating on thin ice 6. Pushing my luck 7. Running my mouth 8. Kicking up a fuss 9. Catching forty winks 10. Throwing in the towel
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A cat walks into a saloon... BARTENDER: what will you have? CAT: shot of whisky BARTENDER, AFTER POURING THE SHOT: there you go CAT, AFTER PUSHING THE SHOT OFF THE TABLE: give me another
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A cat walks into a doctor’s office... DOCTOR: what’s the problem? CAT: me-ow DOCTOR: okay, but where exactly?
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Here's a poem about my least favourite lady, Miss Pellings...
EVIL MISS PELLINGS Miss Pellings can come at any thyme Especially when you’re trying to rime She’s hear and their and everywear With clause as sharp as grizzly bare It’s quiet likely that you’ll see her In rythm, scism, onomatopeaia You may think she’s gone, breathe a sigh of relief But no, here she is, back to cause you more greif – Addam Sharpe

ALT EVIL MISS PELLINGS Miss Pellings can come at any thyme Especially when you’re trying to rime She’s hear and their and everywear With clause as sharp as grizzly bare It’s quiet likely that you’ll see her In rythm, scism, onomatopeaia You may think she’s gone, breathe a sigh of relief But no, here she is, back to cause you more greif – Addam Sharpe

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A SHORT POEM ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ENGLISH AND GERMAN… English weather is wet German weather is Wetter English kids are kind German kids are Kinder English mothers mumble German mothers Mutter And the English shout the word people But Germans just quietly Menschen it
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My previous agent, Jo Unwin, quit agenting a few years ago, and the agency that represented me after that just closed down (I swear neither were my doing). So if any agents are reading this (ideally with plans to stay in the industry long term), please feel free to get in touch.
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IN A PUB IN DUBLIN… SNAKE: WHY WON’T YOU SERVE ME? BARMAN: BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HOLD YOUR DRINK IN A BAR IN LONDON… EMINEM: GIVE ME TWO SHOTS OF - BARMAN: YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT IN A BISTRO IN PARIS… WAITER: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ME: WRITING A SERIES OF JOKES IN CAPITALS
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