stand up comedy, aerial circus, living stereotype. debut book, homo history, out now

London, England
Joined June 2010
I couldn’t let Tulisa go into the jungle without schooling the girls on why you wronged her in the past While we watch #imaceleb for the Rooney v Vardy fighting….. let’s stick around for the NDubz thriving medium.com/@aaron_twitchen/w…
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Me. At my 9am meeting. Describing my weekend to coworkers
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The existence of all these alternate versions is further evidence to me that the xenomania studios is just a hoarders den of vocal boxes Move a crate, couple shoe boxes and you trip over a lost Saturday or a Mini Viva
In celebration of Sarah, Miss You Bow Wow (Sarah’s Version) is out now! 💛 Watch the visualiser, featuring unseen rushes from the Out Of Control Tour, on YouTube now youtube.com/watch?v=UJ2XuwJJ…
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When it’s October and you refuse to put the heating on
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Thank god! Another year not worrying if Tulisa is getting the pay cheques she deserves
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Mind, my small country village went the same level of crazy when they locked up Deirdre Rachid
The protesters have started chanting “FREE DT” outside Basingstoke police station, where Danny Tommo is currently in custody. This is genuinely some of the most fucking cringeworthy shit I’ve ever seen.
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
If we're going to play that game, I look forward to all MPs giving up drinking and smoking.
'Why should the state decide what an adult can spend their money on?' 'It's not their money, it's taxpayer money!' Conservative Party leader Kemi Badenoch defends her party's new plan to block long-term benefits claimants spending their benefits on alcohol and cigarettes.
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I hear it’s so bad, even Rita Ora won’t open for Ed Sheeran
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Hey copilot, What time do I have to start streaming Delta Goodrems “Eclipse” so that the moon covers the sun at EXACTLY the moment she unnecessarily screams in the bridge?
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Excited for eclipse but sad for Bonnie Tyler She would have made mad dollar today. Singing on GMTV, hopping over to do the Jaffa cake thing with loose women before busting her ass to One show Makes you wonder if she clocked out early to avoid small talk with Linda robson
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
🚨 NEW: Political party donations in 2025 Reform UK: £22.8m (+290%) Tories: £15.2m (-46%) Labour: £6.4m (-84%) Green Party: £2.7m (+8%) Lib Dems: £2.6m (-65%) Count Binface Party: £434.60 (-93%)
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Can’t wait for the England match tonight Gonna go to the gym and do a big shop and have no one in my way 😍😍😍
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If a large company is making billions in profits, whilst its workers are claiming Universal Credit, then the government needs to legislate to force the company to cover the cost of UC. We should NOT be subsidising the company's profits!
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Get count binface on strictly come dancing
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I saw Bonnie Tyler in a Welsh pub once. Sunday lunch. Head to toe leather. Full blonde blow out. I tried to get my (ex)boyfriend’s sister attention “Angharad, look who it is… turn around, turn around, TURN AROUND” Bonnie shot me a withering look - only a seasoned pro could
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Any Clacton residents who want to nominate your friendly neighbourhood intergalactic space warrior, ping me a line!
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I am the most attacked politician in history. I was held at gunpoint with junior& princess in South Africa. My German shepherd got killed outside my house on the dual carriageway. Harvey had a kidnap threat. Then I caught my horse having an affair with husband. All in one go.
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Here here! Just ban filming in shops all together. It’s not needed
Imagine your most challenging day at work being filmed and posted online for thousands to see... 🎥📱 Filming retail workers is becoming an epidemic - we’re calling for an end to all recording in stores by the general public unless direct consent has been given 📵 Retail workers deserve respect, privacy and the right to do their jobs without fear of being publicly shamed, mocked or targeted online ❌
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Jade Thirwall never met a lumidee sample she didn’t like 🥰
Guess who… Beg For Me Remix TONIGHT at midnight LilyAllen.lnk.to/BegForMeRem…
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Our local meeting at Kirklees Council a few days ago has become viral. Many people have seen the clips showing disagreement, frustration and confusion. What many have not seen is the full meeting, which remains available to watch online. Cllr Sarah Wood, leader of Reform in Kirklees, nominated herself to become Leader of the Council. During the meeting she stated that she did not understand the constitution, yet simultaneously accused others of acting unconstitutionally for following the AGM process and established procedures. To me, those two positions are difficult to reconcile. Cllr Wood also stated on camera, “We will make sure the residents know.” That language concerns me. When elected representatives publicly label councillors, officers or cross party colleagues as acting unconstitutionally without evidence, it risks creating a false narrative. Words matter. They carry weight. They influence public perception. I know all too well the real world consequences misinformation can have when it spreads locally. We have seen how narratives can take hold, how trust can be damaged and how individuals can become targets because of things that simply are not true. That is why I stood up. That is why I challenged what was being said. That is why I was passionate in my response. My only apology is to our newly elected Mayor. She conducted herself professionally throughout an extremely difficult meeting and ensured all sides had an opportunity to speak. She showed patience, fairness and leadership, and for that she deserves recognition. Our communities benefit when councillors, regardless of political affiliation, communicate, cooperate and work together in the interests of residents. Defamatory language, misinformation and a refusal to engage constructively do not help our communities. They do not solve problems, improve services or support residents facing real challenges in their daily lives. On Thursday, the Council’s responsibility is clear. The focus must be on electing a Leader who can provide stability, competence and direction. Residents expect serious leadership, not political theatre. They expect councillors to focus on the issues that matter: local services, public finances, community safety and the future of Kirklees. The people of Kirklees did not elect us to create division. They elected us to deliver results. That must remain the priority.
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While we’re celebrating and appreciating the return of Mis-teeq Can we please take a moment to admire the amazing photoshop job that perfectly blends Su-Elise legs directly into Aleshas arse No apologies. Design is my passion. 10/10. No notes
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