See you Sunday @CharlieBerens 🐻⬇️

Coworker: How’s Your Yom Kippur Fast Going? Me: Very Easy. Thanks To Hashem. Coworker: Is That A GLP1?

Please do not ban Jews from coffee shops. With our sensitive stomachs, we need as many public restrooms as possible.

This is your yearly reminder that if you get rid of all the Jews, who will do your taxes?

Passover falls on April Fools Day this year, so I’m even less convinced Elijah will show up.

First Time at @TheWienerCircle

When Your Therapist Works at @TheWienerCircle

The Jewish version of confessional is talking to your lawyer.

Do me a favor and check on your dad. He hasn’t been this confused since the new iOS update. #BadBunny

I’d love to see a bowl game featuring the two worst college football teams called the @DUDEwipes Toilet Bowl.

I would get so much satisfaction in knowing that a Jewish doctor diagnosed Hitler with a micropenis.

My level of Jewishness is I got so sick from overeating this weekend I thought I gave myself Crohn’s disease.

How is it that people who aren’t Jewish and don’t know any Jews somehow became experts in antisemitism?

I’ll tell you what would’ve been really shocking… If the Pope’s name was Herschel Rosenstein.

Vatican City is about to get a @LouMalnatis

Passover Glass of Wine Number One: Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, borei p’ri hagafen. Passover Glass of Wine Number Four: Barack attack I dunno. Elaine ew melancholy hell no. Pray for me my coffin.