Chris retweeted
The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and summoned him to the IRS office.
The auditor wasn’t surprised when Grandpa showed up accompanied by his attorney.
The auditor began, “Well, sir, you appear to have an extravagant lifestyle despite having no full-time employment. You explain this by claiming that you make your money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that particularly believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” Grandpa replied. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thought for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa said, “I’ll bet you $1,000 that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor considered the proposition and said, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removed his glass eye and bit it.
The auditor’s jaw dropped.
Grandpa continued, “Now, I’ll bet you $2,000 that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor could clearly see that Grandpa wasn’t blind, so he eagerly accepted the bet.
Grandpa removed his dentures and bit his good eye.
The stunned auditor realized he’d just lost $3,000, with Grandpa’s attorney there as a witness. He was starting to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asked. “I’ll bet you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into the wastebasket on the other side, and not get a single drop anywhere in between.”
Having been burned twice, the auditor was cautious. But after carefully considering the distance, he decided there was no way the old man could pull off such a stunt.
He accepted the bet.
Grandpa stood beside the desk, unzipped his pants, and gave it his best shot. But despite straining mightily, he couldn’t get the stream anywhere near the wastebasket. Instead, he ended up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaped with joy, realizing he’d just turned a $3,000 loss into a $3,000 win.
Meanwhile, Grandpa’s attorney groaned and buried his face in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asked.
“Not really,” the attorney replied. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me $25,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk, and you’d be happy about it.”
Chris retweeted
Charlie once asked me: "How did a couple thousand Bolsheviks take over the entire Russian Empire?"
Answer: "They didn't take it seriously"
Chris retweeted
President Trump @realDonaldTrump now Susie Wiles is gone, and no-one is blocking access to you, you need to come back to @X full time to hear from the People, directly, without lobbyists.
There is NOTHING more important than ACCOUNTABILITY AND JUSTICE
You still have time!
Chris retweeted
BREAKING: 🚨 Reports coming in of a significant United States strike on Nariman Air defense station on Iran's Qeshm Island.
Chris retweeted
Dan, assuming for the moment that this is true, how is it any different than being paid by Jeff Bezos to write propaganda pieces for the house organ of the Democrat Party, the Washington Post?
Chris retweeted
100% audit is needed in every state…
In Galveston County official results show Ken Paxton beat the freak. Many Texans are now looking to Govt Abbott & LTG Dan Patrick to hear them & do a statewide audit - not a risk limiting audit that only counts a fraction of the votes but a real 100 percent audit that includes the cast vote records and verification of citizenship. If the leaders still in power do not do the right thing, if they ignore what is blatantly obvious & once again bury the fraud, then are we to understand that they have been bought off? Why else would you cower when your entire state & the Republic is at stake?
Chris retweeted
To all the people who are not insane and capable of rational thoughts, @SarahEMcBride is a man who has mental health incapacitation and cannot be taken seriously...
Chris retweeted
🚨 HE’S RIGHT: Republicans still control Congress until January 3rd, and there is NO excuse to go home.
Show up every day and pass the reconciliation package to cut spending and fraud.
BAN congressional stock trading.
CODIFY border security.
Pass permitting reform.
Secure our elections.
Codify DOGE.
Mike Johnson and John Thune have the gavels for eight more weeks. Use them.
Any Republican who won't stay and work is a COWARD who doesn't deserve to be reelected.
There is no reason GOP Congress should not meet every day from now til January 3rd. We could:
- Pass reconciliation package to reduce spending/fraud, fund defense modernization (not war), cut taxes for American families including healthcare
- Ban Congressional Stock Trading (I have a bill)
- Codify Border Security (I have a bill)
- Pass Permitting Reform.
And more.
Turn things we should have finished into things we have done.
We owe it to Americans.
Chris retweeted
🚨 WATCH: Mitch McConnell “reacts” to last week’s midterm results
Keep in mind, this man is STILL a sitting US Senator, and will be for the next TWO MONTHS
The poster child for TERM LIMITS.
Chris retweeted
I initially thought the margin of victory was too big for some of the more extreme plans to be carried out.
Now I’m worried that we are seeing a perfect execution of their plans happening.
Chris retweeted
Shannon Bream just utterly DISMANTLED Socialist NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani on Fox News.
Free buses? FAILED.
$32 minimum wage? FAILED.
Defunding the NYPD? FAILED.
Socialism always collapses the second it hits reality.
Chris retweeted
BREAKING: US Airstrikes are currently decimating ballistic missile launchers on the Strait of Hormuz, further loosening Iran’s grip.
Chris retweeted
God bless this man. Send your angels ahead of him to secure his path. And cover him in the blood of Jesus Christ. Let no weapon formed against him prosper & condemn every tongue that rises against him. All this we pray in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Chris retweeted
A YouTuber offered $1,000 to anyone who could start his 1954 Harley, and after people kept FAILING on his brand new one, a random rider walked up and fired up both 😳🔥
“I have no idea how he was able to start that bike”
“That was our lunch money, dude” 😭
Chris retweeted
🚨#BREAKING: A Tennessee man is COMPLETELY DISTRAUGHT after he spent THREE YEARS of his life growing a native plant garden to help struggling insects in his own front lawn...
...and the city MOWED IT TO THE GROUND because:
"His appeal when to the SPAM folder..."
His name is Chester Perry, and he lives in East Ridge, Tennessee and for three years, Chester filled his front yard with native and exotic plants.
His goal was to build a habitat for declining insect populations.
In September, a nearby resident complained about his lawn.
Code enforcement cited him for TWO violations.
One was about upkeep of the property. The city says Chester FIXED it.
The other was for “high grass.”
Chester appealed that one, because the insects need tall grass and the city gave him 10 DAYS to appeal.
He sent his appeal by email ONE WEEK after the citation.
The city says its firewall dumped his email into a SPAM FOLDER.
40 DAYS after the citation, city crews showed up and cut it all down.
Chester came home from lunch to find his yard stripped bare.
Three years of work. Gone in an afternoon.
The East Ridge City Manager ADMITS Chester tried to file his appeal in good faith.
They just never received it.
Their fix?
They decided not to FINE him...
Chris retweeted
Tommy Robinson slapping a muslim with his grooming gang book is absolutely brilliant, Bravo 👏 🤣
