@TheBabylonBee

Fake news you can trust 🐝

 United States
linktr.ee/babylonbee
Joined February 2016
  • Tweets38.4K
  • Following8
  • Followers5.3M
19.7KMedia
'Let's Get Drunk And Hurl Razor-Sharp Winged Needles Across The Bar,' Says Man In Historic Stroke Of Genius buff.ly/7IF9OHx

'Let's Get Drunk And Hurl Razor-Sharp Winged Needles Across The Bar,' Says Man In Historic Stroke...

LONDON — While contemplating the best way to pass their time at the tavern, a group of local men began brainstorming various activities they could engage in, with the result on this particular day...

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'Ladies And Gentlemen, We Got Him': RFK Jr. Announces Seal Team Six Has Neutralized The Kool-Aid Man buff.ly/YjSUiw9

'Ladies And Gentlemen, We Got Him': RFK Jr. Announces Seal Team Six Has Neutralized The Kool-Aid Man

WASHINGTON, D.C. — HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that Seal Team Six conducted a daring overnight raid and has neutralized the infamous Kool-Aid Man.

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Ilhan Omar Starting To Regret Hiring Immigration Attorney From Quality Citizeship Center
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Cold-Hearted Leftists Demand Immigrants Stay In Evil, Oppressive United States buff.ly/XEHV3QJ

Cold-Hearted Leftists Demand Immigrants Stay In Evil, Oppressive United States

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sickening display of cold-heartedness, American leftists are demanding that immigrants stay in the evil, oppressive regime of the United States.

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Baptist Baseball Fans Torn Between Rooting For Team Named After Devil Or Team Named After Beer
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Not Sure If You Married Your Brother? 9 Signs To Look For buff.ly/u458v6V

Not Sure If You Married Your Brother? 9 Signs To Look For

With Representative Ilhan Omar seemingly unsure about whether she accidentally married her brother, millions of women have been left asking themselves a difficult question: Am I married to my...

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Tucker Carlson Explains World War 2
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Gideon Asks For Just One More Sign Where He Puts Out Wet Fleece And God Turns It Into A Tank buff.ly/2d46zPX

Gideon Asks For Just One More Sign Where He Puts Out Wet Fleece And God Turns It Into A Tank

OPHRAH — Before going into battle, Gideon, the son of Joash the Abiezrite, reportedly asked for a third sign to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that the Lord was with him: for a wet fleece to be...

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Nation Excited For World Series Matchup Of Not The Dodgers Vs. Not The Yankees buff.ly/t15UTS5

Nation Excited For World Series Matchup Of Not The Dodgers Vs. Not The Yankees

U.S. — Fans are reportedly more excited than ever for the 2026 World Series, eager to sit down and watch a compelling matchup between Not the Dodgers and Not the Yankees.

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Enterprising Mormon Also Sells Solar For Residents Not Interested In Talking About Jesus buff.ly/Hf6Gpd2

Enterprising Mormon Also Sells Solar For Residents Not Interested In Talking About Jesus

PROVO, UT — Entrepreneur and LDS missionary Ricardo Lopez has begun selling residential solar panels to homeowners who aren't interested in talking about God.

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‘Not To My Knowledge,’ Replies Eve When Asked If She Ate The Forbidden Fruit buff.ly/tftIcYT

‘Not To My Knowledge,’ Replies Eve When Asked If She Ate The Forbidden Fruit

EDEN — Asked by God whether she had consumed fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Eve replied, "Not to my knowledge."

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Trump Aides Desperately Try To Explain Approval Rating Not Like Golf Score buff.ly/tGRizAQ

Trump Aides Desperately Try To Explain Approval Rating Not Like Golf Score

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump proudly boasted of his 36% approval rating this week, prompting aides to pull him aside and explain that approval ratings are not at all like golf scores.

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Ilhan Omar Says She Didn't Know She'd Married Her Brother As They Were Separated At Birth And Hidden From Their Father, Darth Vader buff.ly/743lbuP

Ilhan Omar Says She Didn't Know She'd Married Her Brother As They Were Separated At Birth And...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an interview with MS NOW last night, Representative Ilhan Omar explained that she didn't know that she had married her brother as they were separated at birth to be hidden from...

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The Nightmare Is Over: Supreme Court Outlaws Candy Corn buff.ly/x67kRKu

The Nightmare Is Over: Supreme Court Outlaws Candy Corn

U.S. — Americans all over the country celebrated the news that the national nightmare that had lasted for generations was finally over, as the United States Supreme Court outlawed candy corn.

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Look At These Heartbreaking Photos Of 9 Needy Millennials You Can Sponsor Today buff.ly/ydqiHPc

Look At These Heartbreaking Photos Of 9 Needy Millennials You Can Sponsor Today

All across the world, there are millennials sitting in their parents' basement, hoping and praying that someone will come along to sponsor their lifestyle. Look at these heart-wrenching pictures of...

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'Trump Is A King!' Say People Freely Protesting In A Free Country buff.ly/TGFhjcx

'Trump Is A King!' Say People Freely Protesting In A Free Country

U.S. — Thousands of free Americans gathered in cities across the country today to lament their lack of freedom by holding rallies while shouting "Trump is a king!" and exercising their right to...

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Ford Introduces Pumpkin Spice F-150 buff.ly/ZZdzNVZ

Ford Introduces Pumpkin Spice F-150

DEABORN, MI — Just in time for fall, motorists found out that they were in for a special seasonal treat, as the Ford Motor Company introduced the limited edition Pumpkin Spice F-150 pickup truck.

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Woman Graciously Helps Men Avoid Lustful Thoughts By Wearing Romper buff.ly/8Switee

Woman Graciously Helps Men Avoid Lustful Thoughts By Wearing Romper

MONTPELIER, VT — Local resident Deborah Johnson says she has found the ultimate solution to helping the men around her avoid lustful thoughts: wearing a romper.

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Man's Comedic Genius Wasted On Grocery Store Cashier buff.ly/Z9K5kw8

Man's Comedic Genius Wasted On Grocery Store Cashier

DENVER, CO — Local man Grant Henderson reported disappointment once again at having his sharp wit and keen sense of humor completely wasted on the cashier checking out his groceries.

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Neighborhood Children Woefully Unprepared For Local Man Who Chooses Trick Over Treat buff.ly/TIVaHyU

Neighborhood Children Woefully Unprepared For Local Man Who Chooses Trick Over Treat

NAPERVILLE, IL — Dozens of neighborhood trick-or-treaters were left completely unprepared Tuesday evening after local resident Burt Ostler unexpectedly opted for "trick" when presented with the...

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