Hi, I'm John and I am going to post some of the stupid shit that friends and family, mostly family, say as well as the random shit that pops into my head
everywhere
Joined September 2009
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IF YOU ARE OVER 40 AND MALE, AND HAVE EVER PUT "LOL" IN A TEXT, TWEET, COMMENT, OR E-MAIL....YOU ARE A COMPLETE DOUCHE
WOULD I RATHER FUCK MY WIFE OR TAKE A NAP NOW THAT THE KIDS ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE....DECISIONS, DECISIONS?
how messed up is your toddler when she asks before crawling into bed with mommy & daddy on Saturday morning, "do you have underwear on?"
ASKED THE WIFE TO SCRATCH MY BACK AND SHE PUTS HER CRUSTY FEET ON MY BACK AND SCRATCHES WITH THOSE TO PISS ME OFF....SO I HID HER "PED-EGG".
I just read in the paper that taxes not withheld from my paycheck is "the government giving me money" That's funny I thought it was mine....
I would love to speak to the jackass child psychologist who says there are no "bad" children. I have a couple of gems to introduce to them.
There is no easy way to tell someone their tummy control panties created a spare tire under their boobs..unless that's the look they wanted
My wife spends the day mad at me after she has a dream that I did something wrong. I even disappoint her in her sleep.
MY WIFE HATES IT WHEN I WATCH BIGGEST LOSER WHILE EATING MY BEN & JERRY'S. "YOU WOULD THINK THAT SHOW WOULD MOTIVATE YOU TO LOSE WEIGHT"
from the wife, "knowing my luck, I will get the cancer that causes you to get fatter instead of the one that will help me lose weight"
from an associate, "well if they don't have a profit, they will have a loss"...thank you again Captain Obvious
guys, remember that fantasy of being surrounded by a houseful of naked girls...that can backfire-try a wife and 4 daughters with no modesty
My wife has a new record of 3,900 minutes on her cell phone, and doesn't think that she spends that much time on the phone.