Jesus

Jesucristo, I need another vacation. This is hard work.

What the-? The G-D Lakers won? Who let that happen? Boy if you ever needed proof that I can't pay attention to everything at all times...

Hey everybody, Jesus is back. No biggie, I just went on a 6-week bender. I really need to lay off that two-buck Chuck.

Test of faith: If I existed, would Jada Pinkett Smith being getting her own show on TNT?

Having a little pasta with Dom. Dude can cook.

Joe the Plumber says he's waiting for the Lord to give him a cue. I actually said "clue", but he couldn't hear me over the toilet flushing.

TDIF!

Shame on you, @VirginiaFoxx. http://tinyurl.com/cy8f9q

You know that game where you choose people throughout history for a dinner party? It's more fun in theory. Halston and Milosevic? Awkward!

Yep, I rode around on a T-Rex. Threw a saddle on it and went riding like Hoss on the Ponderosa. Have you people never heard of Photoshop?

There is no time in heaven, for eternity is the absence of time. So why am I always late for spin class?

Thinking about opening a gym in New Jerusalem. "Pontius Pilates".

Yea, I am with you always. Unless you go to Outback Steakhouse. Then you're on your own.

just shot some pool with Bea Arthur and dropped a sound kick-ass on her. Time for some Heinies!

Had a really disturbing dream about Billy Dee Williams and Jenny Garth last night. That does it. No more myrrh before bed.

I understand your doubting my existence when things like this are allowed to happen: http://tinyurl.com/cr4oxx

I'm not taking anymore Facebook quizzes. I'm much more like Dorothy than Blanche.

Somebody please tell Steve Guttenberg to stop calling me. Short Circuit 2 is not going to happen.

That was not the last supper. That was the last supper before we got the microwave.

@craigupinhere, I've been TRYING to come back, but the traffic is terrible. I can't believe there isn't a Diamond Lane up here.