the day your baby stops cryin' is the day she done figured out you was lyin', now back to that ham juicer clog

@Alvah did you know you are associated with chet fussman? sounds like the name of ah manly yet grumpy underwear designer

ah hell i need to clear a clog from my ham juicer

why ain't nobody 'spondin' this twitterin id fer the birds and folks what all done run right outta ridlin

Twistin' the tails off my stuffed pig collection

I'm scratchin' my nethers with ah steel wool pad attached to an extenda pole so i can get to the back ah 'em

Where's my lord and savior when I'ma oggling a poop shoot da size of ah Ayers rock?

why was I attracted to a woman with an ass the size of a Ford Aerostar?

when I left the kick boxing class, I just kept on kicking, and people did not take it as sign of affection

hmmm... head cheese or black puddin' i'm never sure what to use as orgy fuel, everbody wants both, i say give the people what they want

Elrod... well he smells like old man boxer shorts hand wash and hung to dry on a shower rod

alvah smells like the elephant pen at the zoo

Poot smells like the first blast of air from an approaching subway train

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He approaches house at random and makes the people there move

Thinking about the time my ex-wife and I went on a picnic. We ate, then killed ants as a competition. She won but she was using an axe

thinking about the time I went dancing with my ex-wife. We had fun 'till I karate kicked her, then she hit me an ice cream carton

once i spied a girl going into the liquor store, now my spying eye needs a work up

praying for the day when poot will have hair like Frampton

Thinking about how gay alvah is for not writing me, wedgies at the Prom, and dead mothers

thinking about death, krystal cheese, noodlin', ball haulin', whisker biscuit, an ass that causes an eclipse, gravy, a handle ah brown