We cant all be himbos, some of us gotta be loathsome morons.

Imagine I just started tweeting again.

Say what you will about Anakin Skywalker and the things he did he was right about sand.

Man this brings back some wild memories. Good times.

Yeah man I'm good, I'm good. Actually just came back from my trip to Jupiter... yeah to get more stupider exactly.

N33d someone to do this to my peener

I was at a wedding recently and man i had that shit on. Featuring my brother and his new wife's very good dog.

"On April 22, 1897, an oblong machine with wings and lights "which appeared much brighter than regular lights" dropped out of the sky and landed on the farm near rockland texas"

I once had an old lady come up to me on the street and make this comparison i hope that counts.

This is literally the best book list that rewires your brain for success

I want to do a travel show with the Rizzler where train around Europe soaking in the architecture drinking wine and engaging in witty repartee. Id call it "My Rizzler Summer". Someone get me in touch with the Rizzler's people.

Locked eyes with a guy on the train and was instantly assailed with memories of exploring the Fertile Cresent together during the fall of Mesopotamia. His eyes widened so i think he experienced the same thing. Unfortunately we were at either end of the train and couldnt reunite.

Plumbing the Death Star

Hey you should buy NOCK LOOSE. It's good as hell. I read it in two days. What else are you doing with your wretched life??

John Afterlife