Rant account for anything going through my head
Joined March 2018
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Everything is going wrong and its my fault.. Why am i this way??... I have good intentions but i fuck up so much you wouldn't know it.
This was all my fault anyways.. Im always the one to blame. She just wanted to love andi do t know what i did to fuck it up but i know i did and now i can never get back what i had. I can never get het back
I just want to be over this already.. How long does it take to get over a first love with never having been WITH them?
What if she doesnt even miss me? My depression has been back full force and ive been struggling not to scratch at my arm whenever i can. What if she's already moved on and looking out for someone else?
The only thing i want is her, but i'd rather me hurt and miss her than her bewith me and need to be held
The only thing i want is to cry inher arms and hold her so tight and never let go. I just wants to let out all this pain. I want to be able to write this down and not have my vision get sodistorted by fuckingtears
Ella was the only keeping me from wanting to slice and scrape my arms. And the onlything in my life that coupdve helped meb ema andthe onlyperson id ever felt this much about
Nothing like more dissapointment and sadness to add onto the pile of trash and worthlessness i feel lmao
I want to forget sending this to you, because i always thought i'd let up on whatever i feel or not post at all anymore. But i know forgetting the fact that youre gonna see all this isnt exactly gonna go away with the snap of my fricken finger
Ella im about to send you the link to this profile and the only thing i can think to say first is
Im sorry.
This is mostly where i put my demons whenever, but ever since i started this i felt like i was keeping part of me from you, i guess ++
++ the only thing i can say is im sorry.. Its just repeating in my head even imagining you reading anything here
But you deserve to know..
I feel too much a bother to continuely text my stuggles so im just going to put them here.. If you see them, you see them. +++