Marguerite Duane

I spoke to a 35yo, unmarried female relative recently. She is seeing someone & they’re considering marriage but says she is “taking it slow.” I asked her if she wanted to have children. She said yes. Four. I told her she’s too old for “taking it slow” if she wants four children and at this age she’ll be lucky to have a couple after an engagement, wedding and honeymoon period has passed. Not to mention the time it actually takes to grow and birth a baby. She was stunned. She gasped a bit and said “wow. You don’t mince words, huh?” I told her “of course not. People aren’t being honest with young women about their bodies and timelines. Has anyone ever told you that your prime child bearing years are over? Has anyone ever talked to you about how aging changes your fertility?” She said no. No one. Not one person. And as stupid as it sounds, she hadn’t thought about it until I mentioned it. She didn’t realize she didn’t have all the time in the world. I don’t know if it changed anything for her but I do think it’s a travesty that something so basic had never been presented to her before. We need to start being blunt with young women. They can make their own choices on their timelines but it should be done with the most information possible.