Hey new followers. I'm garbage at maintaining this. I only shitpost whatever brainfarts happen when I can't sleep. Earworms. Lyrics. Random bullshit. Enjoy?

What day is it? Oh. Monday. By the end of the year, I’ma have enough @KayfabeAirlines miles to make it around the world in 80 days. Champ stuff, amirite? Next stop: Albuquerque. Tomorrow, Madison. She earned her place at the front of the line, and she’s spent enough time across the ring from me to know where the cracks are. Biggest challenge yet. See you there. ✌🏼💀

People my age need to stop dying. I mean it. We’re not done. We haven’t even figured out what to do with our backs yet. Dude was 46. I knew him. Not in the way people say it after someone dies, like sharing a room once makes you family. I met him. More than once. He was a real person who stood in front of me, talked to me, made the world feel a little smaller and friendlier. Now he’s a headline and a hole in the day. I’m high enough that everything has the volume turned up to 11. This random song that came on, the news, my own pulse. I dunno. All of it rattling around in the same cramped room. The guy was living his best life 24 hours ago and now — snuffed out. This sucks. Fuck. Anyway. Fuck. I just want the people who made it this far with me to stop disappearing.

Some people meditate. Some people go to therapy. I sit in a bathtub until the water gets cold and pretend the last twenty years were a perfectly reasonable series of decisions. Anyway. Self-care. Sunday. 🫧💀

Somewhere between getting older and knowing better, I apparently got real good at doing one without the other. Staying hungry but remembering to hydrate is a weird state of being but here we are. Anyway. Tuesday’s gonna hurt. Might as well enjoy the quiet while it lasts. ✌🏼💀

// ★ 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐒 ★ • allegra conducts an unauthorized 'wellness check' on her father. somehow, thirty years of unresolved trauma, gas station breakfast sandwiches, a raccoon named dennis, and jude being a cunt are all related. lex would like the internet to forget this happened. too bad it was a livestream. 👇🏼R E A D I T H E R E👇🏼 DOCS: [tinyurl.com/5y63dpn5] FORUM: [tinyurl.com/2jn4xwwc]

funny thing about getting older. you spend half your life trying to build something worth coming home to and the other half convincing yourself you earned the right to stay. if you’re lucky one day those lines intersect. anyway. porch is nice. pepsi’s cold. you’re still a cunt, sawyer. ✌🏼💀

That one wasn’t my fault. Next one, receipts come due.

The plastic bag. The blood. That….was a choice.

Uptown Funk is a bop. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

🎶Break down Come on and tell me it's not true, it's a shake down Come on and tell me who are you, it's so fake now Everything I see right through I'm ashamed now to say I ever knew you🎶

🎶If I can touch it, I can destroy it, If it's imaginable to some degree, I can become it, Like a hungry turning vortex that just flickers to existence, Consuming bits and pieces until I'm finally extinguished🎶

Can someone please explain what the fuck “my face card does not decline” means? Is that just ai bs or is that a thing people actually say?