@fesshole

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Joined June 2018
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Your Fesshole editor has done a book, a response to the world being dominated by AI slop, he's gone back to his ZX81 & written 81 jokes and also, illustrated each one using the exact limitations of this 1981 computer. All by hand. Buy it for Xmas. spelk.press/gb/products/81-j…
81 jokes for the zx81

ALT 81 jokes for the zx81

“Ridiculously niche but ridiculously joyful” Richard Herring “Greatest book ever made and you win. Profound.” Joel Morris (Philomena Cunk co-creator) “Bloody amazing” M. J. Hibbert (Hey Hey 16K songwriter) “Excellent vintage humour. Lifts corny to an art.” Otto English “A ZX Triumph. The joke book I never knew I needed.” Ben Wheatley (film director)

ALT “Ridiculously niche but ridiculously joyful” Richard Herring “Greatest book ever made and you win. Profound.” Joel Morris (Philomena Cunk co-creator) “Bloody amazing” M. J. Hibbert (Hey Hey 16K songwriter) “Excellent vintage humour. Lifts corny to an art.” Otto English “A ZX Triumph. The joke book I never knew I needed.” Ben Wheatley (film director)

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I work remotely from home and I told my colleagues I had to nip out for a family funeral. It was actually for a speed awareness course.
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I don't feed the ducks bread as I know it's bad for them. But when my aunt visits and gives us a ginger cake we normally feed them about half of that. Neither of us are very fond of ginger cake and the ducks seem to love it.
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I'm usually the last person to bed and get lumbered with hanging out the washing as people "forget" it's in the machine. I always use the lovely wooden hangers for my clothes and the terrible cheap plastic hangers for theirs if they have upset me. So up yours you bumholes
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Add your fess: b3ta.com/addfess
The people I work with don't like me very much. I know this because I am in a group email they don't know I can see. Haven't done anything about it yet. I just save their emails about me in a folder on my desktop marked 'final day speech' Fesshole GOLD from 20th June 2021

ALT The people I work with don't like me very much. I know this because I am in a group email they don't know I can see. Haven't done anything about it yet. I just save their emails about me in a folder on my desktop marked 'final day speech' Fesshole GOLD from 20th June 2021

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There is a horrible story of an American pro wrestler that murdered his wife, infant son, and himself. Someone at work shares his name. Every time he rings I hum the opening few bars of his entrance music before answering.
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After taking the kids swimming I quickly check the empty lockers for any left over £1 coins. I earn over £100k per annum
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Watched a Documentary about Dinosaus. Two started making love. Now when me and the wife have sex from behind I cant stop thinking of the Dinosaurs. It's a tough ask, but I eventually make it.
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In the UK in the 1990s BT phone boxes had a physical hack. You could put five pound coins in the slot and then stuff a bit of wire up into the phone. Out came your coins, but it didn't realise. You could chat for five quids worth. Stole 100s from BT with this.
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I work in R&D. On whiteboards in empty meeting rooms I often scrawl bizarre notes about e.g. fluid mechanics equations and hamster anatomy and continental drift. I like to think someone gets baffled when they see it.
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Mate was getting married abroad in Cyprus. I was so confident that he wouldn't go through with it, that I didn't bother to pack my suit. He didn't go through with it.
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In Kindergarten, after my mum had explained to me how babies are made, I thought that adults propositioned each other by saying "Let's do Willy-in-Vagina". I also thought it quite unrealistic that - according to mum - the man never accidentally peed inside the woman.
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I'm not gay, however, I do frequently purchase anal lube from a certain online sex toy shop and squirt it inside my arse in the mornings. Because it makes my afternoon shit later come out so much quicker, cleaner, and smoother.
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Company I work for has gone all in on AI slop. I've started to report everything on LinkedIn from them using the "this is AI slop" function. I hope it stops people seeing it and the company goes bust, I don't give a shit about it here anymore and want out, redundancy pay is good.
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Hit the final straw with my boyfriend. Made him sit down and add it all up and he's been spending £400 a month on magic cards, every single month but can't afford" to paint his bedroom
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Every morning my dog and I have a standoff on the way back home after the morning walk. He wants to go down the road where he once found a half eaten sausage roll, and I want to go down the parallel road where the mum in her dressing gown gives me a cheeky wave from her lounge.
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On occasion, I like to dollop some jam on top of pizza. Dark jams like fig or cherry go well with Gorgonzola and prosciutto. Raspberry or blackberry goes well with pizza that has jalapeños or bacon. Marmalade is great with chicken or pork pizza toppings.
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A teen in the 90s, I'd prowl the neighbourhood in the evening, stealing gnomes from gardens. I'd then place those gnomes doorsteps, ringing the bell and running away. If no gnome, an upside-down wheelie bin would do. Now almost 50, I'm sorry if you were one of those people.
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Rolled a knobbly condom over the dressing on my dog's injured paw, covered by a taped-on sock. Forgot to remove it in time so vet saw it in front of my mortified teenage daughter, then invited all the staff in to admire my ingenuity.
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As an 8 y/o boy I had an irrational & deep seated dislike of ballet dancers. I believed ballet dancing as a profession was as commonplace as bricklaying & that I'd be coerced into spending my adult working life leaping about in tight fitting black pants.
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