@cduhigg

Journalist @NewYorker & NYT Bestselling author of The Power of Habit and Supercommunicators. Over 15M+ readers. Check out Supercommunicators 馃憞

charlesduhigg.com/supercommunicators
Joined February 2009
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Supercommunicators just spent its 22nd week on the New York Times bestseller list, so I want to share 10 馃毇shallow questions vs. 馃deep questions to help you become a supercommunicator at work: A thread 馃У
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When teens stop talking to their parents, most parents blame the phone. But the real cause is often a change in how you listen. Here鈥檚 what helps: 馃У
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To break this silence, you must match their emotional volume before you say anything else. Acknowledge their feelings directly by repeating their frustration in your own words, proving that you prioritize their mental well-being over strict rule-setting.
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Your teenager didn't stop talking because of their phone. They stopped talking because the last few times they opened up, they got a lecture instead of a listener.
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The most vulnerable you'll ever be to losing your good habits, overspending, and damaging your closest relationships is right after a major life change. Researchers found that transitions like moving, having a baby, or switching jobs open a window where your brain treats every routine as negotiable. Here's why that matters: 馃У
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The same thing happens in your relationships. Researchers found that many divorces cluster around major life changes, not because the couple suddenly stopped loving each other, but because transitions like a new baby, a stressful job, or retirement trigger a deep loss of control. And when both people feel out of control at the same time, the way they communicate with each other breaks down fast.
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Every major life change opens a window where your routines, your spending, and your relationships are all up for grabs at once. Knowing the window exists is most of the battle, because once you see it, you can decide what fills it instead of letting the transition decide for you.
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If you hate small talk and actually want a deep, real conversation, there's a simple question swap that works almost instantly to open up the dialog. Here's how it works: 馃У
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This simple switch invites the other person to talk about who they actually are, revealing their core beliefs and past experiences. You are giving them a direct opportunity to share their inner thoughts rather than forcing them to recite a boring resume.
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Stop keeping your casual chats on the surface with meaningless checklist questions. The next time you speak to someone new, ask them how they feel about their choices instead of what they do, and watch them open up.
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Most people try to build strict, miserable rules to stay motivated, but the Lazy Brain Theory can help you. Here鈥檚 how it works: 馃У
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The moment you feel like you are in total control, your energy shifts. You naturally work harder, get past mistakes much faster, and bring way more focus to your day. You aren't lazy; you just feel trapped by your own rules.
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You will notice that work feels much lighter once you take the control yourself. Your mind prefers to pick its own way rather than follow a script written by someone else. That shift turns a heavy chore into a simple task you can easily finish.
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